A Love Letter

This image was originally posted with the caption “past the peak of beauty.”

It’s nutcracker season so I guess I should tell you I wanted to be a ballerina, not a racer. I was really discouraged from this because of how fast I was as a swimmer and how “objective” racing was. It wasn’t seen as serious or worth the time or money it would cost. I hated almost all the elements of swimming except being really good at it (which paradoxically required making daily life pretty miserable). At some point I realized my health and happiness were simply not a concern for anyone around me in my early life. Sometimes we know we’re meant to leave home at a young age.

I’ve been traveling for a long time now.

The other night I re-watched The Great Gatsby. For the art deco and the flower scene, of course. I thought the book was fine when I read it in high school but couldn’t see what it would have to do with my life. It wasn’t the roaring twenties. I wasn’t an old money heiress. Prohibition was over. But most importantly, I hadn’t had time to become experientially disillusioned with humanity yet. I thought, surely, some people have integrity. Somewhere.

I had left home though, and become something else. I had been left to my own devices.

After watching it again, I get why we make teenagers read it. So they can be on the verge or their birthday decades later and realize what it means, then write a schmaltzy little blog post about it. Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known. Anyway. Did you know that men will spend tens of thousands of dollars just to rest their chin on your ass for a few minutes of their lives?

I saw the opportunity I guess.

Here is what I’ve learned so far in life, aided in some part by my addiction to Baz Luhrmann visuals, Fitzgerald’s efficiency of words, and orchids. Many more orchids than afternoon tea could call for.

This is not advice. You should always pay for advice:

Bring your best vision to all occasions, execute it to the extent that your skills and resources allow. It doesn’t matter if others would say it’s too much. You might only ever get one chance.

How you leverage accessible resources in any situation is more important than almost anything else. Always use them towards your highest vision or the greatest good, if that’s what the situation calls for. Knowing what the situation calls for requires discernment. Doing what the situation calls for requires courage.

In order to acquire discernment, you will need experience. In order to acquire experience, you’re gonna get fucked up. In order to acquire courage, you will need to keep going on even after getting fucked up. Be prepared but not everything can be planned for (see statement about resources).

You probably won’t feel worse after taking a shower.

Everyone eventually is confronted with a choice: Accept what is or create something new, no matter what it costs.

Also, finally, and excuse me, but: DRESS YOUR ASS OFF. There is no such thing as being overdressed. Fuck what anyone says about your body or your clothes.

Credit: Penelope Dario

In the novel and the movie, there’s a theme that “God sees everything.” I wrote a note once and tucked it into my desk drawer. It was about racing and how the decisions you make in training are worn in your performances. Likewise, the choices you make in private are borne out into eternity, even if no one else sees. You are what you fight for, who you look for, and what you will tolerate. Rest when you need to because you will need to row against the current.

As always. It is far too late for this meak half-hearted bullshit. :)

Btw did you see that CORNELL BEAT HARVARD?!!! It’s a new era motherfuckers.

So perhaps today on the last day of my twenties thirties, I can finally say without the fear of someone telling me it’s childish that this is my favorite time of year. 

And I am still hopeful. <3

Cheers.